Ways Not Wearing a Mask Will Complicate Your Church Life

 

While the Christian community revels in the joy of not needing to wear masks to church, you must, on balance, recognize that there is a downside to this development.  Prepare yourself for these ways not wearing a mask will complicate your church life.  

·       Women will need to apply makeup to the bottom half of their faces. 

·          Men who shave will need to be more thorough. 

·       You’ve lost a great excuse for not recognizing someone you’ve met several times. 

·       The music minister can see whether you’re singing the hymns.

·       The pastor knows you’re not laughing at his jokes.

·       You’ve lost this decade’s unique opportunity to accessorize with excellence.

·       You must face the sad truth that your ears do really stick out—it’s not just the elastic from the mask pulling them down.

·       You need to revise your “Do you have…?” list you recite to your spouse before you leave home (Bible, cell phone, and offering remain on the list). 

·       You’ll feel strangely frightened when you sing “Breathe on Me.” 

·       People will know you aren’t really a ventriloquist. 

·       You can no longer make an off the wall comment in your Bible study group in an altered voice and get away with it.

·       You’ll face the tough fact that some people really do mumble when they speak. 

·       You’ll no longer be able to start a hallway conversation with “Where did you get that cute mask?” or “Who is that masked man?” 

·       You’ve lost your facial billboard for supporting your favorite team. 

·       You’ll realize that some people weren’t distancing themselves from you because you forgot your mask—they really don’t like you. 

 ·       You’ll struggle with the decision of whether to donate your mask collection to the church’s yard sale.