Facebook Retirement Test

Have you noticed how many social media posts are actually antisocial?  A tool created to bring people together is, instead, driving them apart.  You may be part of the problem.  You may, in fact, need to retire from Facebook.  This test, inspired by Jeff Foxworthy’s famous, “You might be a redneck” test, can help you discover if your time to sign out for the final time may have arrived. 

ü If you post statements that have no more emotional maturity than a five-year-old calling a sibling a “stupid-head,” please leave Facebook until you grow up.

ü If you truly believe that you will change anyone’s mind on controversial issues on Facebook, you may have lost your mind and your right to post on Facebook. 

ü If you forget that every word you post is being archived in the ultimate “cloud,” God’s memory of accountability, then you should repent or retire from Facebook. 

ü If you are giving yourself, your family, your political party, your church, or your country a bad name, you should retire from Facebook, then sit in the corner and think about what you’ve done.

ü If you share a post you know nothing about and defend it as though it were Holy Scripture, you may need to retire from Facebook and check your facts. 

ü If you confuse clicking the “Like” button with actually becoming involved in an important issue, you may need to click the “delete this account” button, too. 

ü If you make a strong political statement, then threaten to defriend anyone who disagrees with you, you need to sell your home on Mt. Olympus and retire from Facebook.

ü If you forget that confronting someone on Facebook is the cyber equivalent of embarrassing or even bullying someone in front of a crowd, then you need to retire from Facebook. 

ü If you can’t remember the last time you posted something to comfort or encourage someone else, Facebook doesn’t need your negativity.

ü If your best response to another person’s position amounts to, “Your side is worse,” then make Facebook better by leaving. 

ü If you use Facebook to deal with issues you need to resolve face-to-face and person-to-person, please respect yourself and others enough to retire from Facebook. 

ü If you think Facebook is a way to force people to choose sides in your broken relationship, you need to break up with Facebook.

ü If you post anything you’d be embarrassed to read to your mother, your pastor, or Jesus, you should raise your standards or leave Facebook.

ü If you “like” other people’s posts because you secretly fear you may lose their friendship if you don’t, you may need therapy and a long break from Facebook. 

ü If what you post doesn’t pass the test of Ephesians 4:29, then you may need to hire a spiritual proofreader or retire from Facebook. 

ü If you can’t remember the last time you made others laugh by what you post, you need to lighten up or leave Facebook. 

ü If you use Facebook to demonize or dismiss people with whom you disagree, do the world a favor and sign off. 

ü If you have grown to believe that entering a comment is a suitable substitute for comforting, caring for, and showing up for people in personal crisis, then stop giving friendship a bad name and leave Facebook. 

ü If you repeat the same birthday greeting you see in the previous ten posts, go to the store, read a few Hallmark cards, and post something original. 

ü If your posts are contributing to the extinction of the English language, imagine that your English teacher is grading your post, revise it accordingly, or suspend yourself from Facebook. 

ü If you have ever asked me to prove my friendship with you, my love for America or Jesus, my support for hospital patients, veterans, or abandoned puppies, by daring me to rise above the 97% who are uncaring ogres by copying, pasting and sharing your post, you should be banned from Facebook 97% of the time! 

ü If you haven’t adored any FB pictures of my grandchildren lately, you should DEFINITELY do so today, then send me a gift card. 

So….how did you do on the test?  I didn’t make an “A” either. We can all work together to make social media more sane and sociable.